Hearings stirred old trauma for some

CELINA - Many people aren't aware of how episodes such as the Brett Kavanaugh Supreme Court nomination hearings can open a Pandora's box into the past for rape and sexual-assault survivors, one local survivor said.

Heather Schmidt, 46, Celina, said she was 15 years old when she was raped. After a party where she said alcohol was involved, she became separated from her friends and ended up at a stranger's house miles away from home.

To this day she isn't sure if she was too drunk or given some kind of drug, but at some point she remembers coming to and being paralyzed, with two strange men "taking turns." She barely remembers any details except the fear and shame that came afterward.

Schmidt says she's not alone. At least five of her friends have told of having their own scary experiences, ranging from creepy run-ins to sexual assault. Those are just the friends who felt comfortable admitting something, and she imagines many other women still don't say anything at all, Schmidt said.

"I'm so tired of people not believing that stuff like this happens, and it happens all the time."

Watching the Kavanaugh hearings, she found it hard not to identify with Dr. Christine Blasey Ford.

"When (Ford) went first, it was like me up there talking. They would have ripped me to shreds," Schmidt said.

She also couldn't help but think how typical it was that after Ford had finished testifying and now-Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh took the stand, he behaved in a way Schmidt found worse than juvenile.

With the surge of the #MeToo movement, many women who experienced rape or sexual assault have come forward with experiences they've kept quiet about for years. Inevitably, many have also questioned why survivors don't report or talk about their stories for so long.

"It takes a long time to come to terms with it yourself, and then there's the fear of … I mean, chances are you're not going to be believed," Schmidt said.

She was so scared that she didn't talk about her experience with anyone until about seven years ago. Her mother died before Schmidt ever had the chance to tell her, and in a moment of grief, she eventually spoke up to her aunt. She hadn't wanted to make her family feel guilty, and there was a fear that because of the circumstances in which everything happened, she would be in trouble instead.

She's since told her father, and while he was sickened and saddened by her story, Schmidt said he's never once asked things like "What were you wearing?" or "Why were you drinking?"

When her mother died, Schmidt said she ended up inheriting some of her mother's friends, and since she's opened up about her experience, several of them have also told her their stories. According to Schmidt, they had never said a word because "that's how it was."

With the advent of #MeToo and the topic of sexual assault becoming less taboo, Schmidt hopes the culture is slowly changing. Still, she was "beyond depressed" when Kavanaugh was confirmed. The behavior of President Donald Trump, who has also been accused of sexual misconduct and who was once recorded talking about grabbing a woman by the genitals, doesn't help either, she said.

Schmidt worries kids might see these things and think sexual assault is no big deal or that there's no punishment. When she thinks of today's teenage girls, she fears they will see people defending Kavanaugh and men like him and think they have no one to go to should something happen.

Schmidt isn't coming forward now because she's seeking vengeance or because she has something to prove, she said. She isn't anti-men - she has two sons of her own. Schmidt said she just wants to open people's eyes to something that happens far more often than many people think, to let local women and girls know there are people who will believe and empathize with them and to say the attitude of "boys will be boys" has to end.

Her sons know what happened to her, and she has told them to watch out for their friends - male or female - when they go out. She knows one little mistake can come back to haunt someone for the rest of his or her life.

"As families, we talk about the risk of drugs and alcohol and all kinds of things but we always shy away from this, and it needs to be something that (is discussed)," Schmidt said.