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CELINA - The year 2020 has had its share of stressors. A contentious election and a global pandemic on top of run-of-the-mill problems can make even the most wonderful time of the year a pain.
So how can people keep the holidays merry and bright?
Wright State University-Lake Campus associate professor of psychology Dave Hochstein and Foundations Behavioral Health clinical director Roberta Donovan offered tips on how to reduce stress and enjoy the holidays instead of dread them.
Illustration from "Peace at Home, Goodwill during Holidays: Tips for dealing with extra seasonal stress"
Financial pressure and personal demands are already common triggers for stress during the holidays. Hochstein said identifying and understanding ones stressors before going to a gathering can help.
"Plan ahead of time and know what it is that pushes your buttons," he said.
Donovan said keeping an eye out for excessive behaviors and unhealthy stress relievers is a wise idea. Picking up poor habits such as eating, drinking or smoking too much can affect a person's mood, as well as their overall health.
The American Heart Association says too much alcohol, tobacco or caffeine can increase blood pressure, so consider cutting back or quitting to decrease anxiety.
Donovan said some people during the holidays feel pressured to host the perfect party or gathering, even with everything 2020 has thrown at them. But hosting a Hallmark movie-worthy Christmas gathering doesn't have to be a priority. Instead, set reasonable expectations.
"Everyone wants to portray the Norman Rockwell, everything's-picture-perfect (holiday)," she said. "The reality is not everyone has a happy ending. But you try to do your best in having a happy moment or a happy time, something positive."
Hochstein said setting ground rules and keeping certain topics off the table can help. Setting expectations ahead of time of what is and isn't acceptable will help everyone in the long run. And don't expect to change someone's mind about something at the dinner table.
"If you're expecting to change someone's mind on politics or religion or something, that won't be an effective strategy," he said. "You're not going to change their minds. If you tell someone they're wrong, they'll probable double down and it'll make matters worse."
People also shouldn't be afraid to set boundaries of whether to attend a gather or not.
"If individuals don't feel comfortable congregating, it's ok to set the boundary to not go," Donovan said. "Everyone is on a different walk and journey."
If a person finds themselves in an uncomfortable conversation or stressful situation, having an exit strategy can be useful. However, an exit strategy doesn't necessarily mean sprinting for the door, Hochstein said.
"Walking away is not a bad idea in some situations," he said. "It's ok to remove yourself, but don't isolate the other person, and reach out every once in a while. If you include those people you typically don't get along with, it will help bring you closer."
Donovan said framing a conversation around catching up can help friends and family connect on an emotion level and get more quality time together.
Hochstein said having an ally can be helpful if a person has trouble leaving a conversation or situation on their own.
"We tend to stay in these situations more than we'd like, usually," he said. "If there's a topic you're not really into, ask for backup from someone. Having an ally is going to be really helpful."
Consider having other topics of discussion on hand, Donovan and Hochstein advised.
"It's recognizing yourself. Am I a person that if I'm pushed, am I going into fight, flight or freeze mode?" Donovan said. "Instead of feeling like 'I'm frozen here and now I'm going to have to enter in a conversation I really don't want to', having some backup ideas of what we can talk about that doesn't involve (certain topics)" can help.
Steering the conversation towards future plans or focusing on the present can aid in avoiding conflict, Donovan continued. Asking people what they have planned for the next year, what they hope to do or what they're up to currently can help the conversation stay positive.
Questions or comments on gaining or losing weight, getting married, having kids and other topics can be hurtful or invasive, even if a person means well, Donovan said.
"If someone makes those comments, it's more about what's within them," she said. "You can give an answer, but it doesn't need to be long. Be nice, but be firm."
Having a set of healthy habits can help a person avoid stress and be healthier in general.
The American Heart Association said one of the first things people can do to avoid stress is to slow down. Plan ahead and allow enough time to get the most important things done without having to rush.
Donovan said following some sort of schedule or routine can keep stress levels lower. The AHA also suggests getting organized by using a "to do" list to focus on the most important tasks and take big projects one step at a time.
Dr. Gary Grosel, chief medical officer of UnitedHealthcare of Ohio, in a news release also said people should make time for their health. Try to stay on a normal sleep schedule, incorporate healthy foods and exercise. If a person doesn't have a 30-minute chunk of time for exercise, break it up into three 10-minute sessions spread throughout the day.
While the holidays are usually a time to do things things for others, it can be easy for a person to forget to take care of themselves.
"Self care goes back to how you feel about yourself," Donovan said.
Listening to calm music, taking time to watch a movie or just getting away to take a brief walk can give a person time to unwind and recharge, Grosel stated. The world won't end if a few things fall by the wayside - take a break and breathe.
If a person feels they can't get ahold on their stress, Grosel said they should talk to their doctor.
Being away from friends and family during the holidays can be hard, but hard choices to be apart this year may mean a person can spend many more years with loved ones.
Yearly holiday traditions can still happen thanks to technology. People can open Christmas presents and watch Christmas movies with their friends and family virtually.
Try asking friends and family members what their favorite holiday recipes are and make them together over Zoom, Facetime, Skype or other video calling apps. Or ask what their favorite holiday stories are and share memories together.
Remember that calls don't need to be hours long for them to be meaningful. Donovan said Zoom fatigue is real, and it's ok to log off or hang up.
"Maybe don't focus on the time and focus on the moment," she said. "It doesn't have to be a certain amount of time. People have the right to get off the call."
Practicing gratefulness may be the best kept secret to help reduce stress and feel batter. Practicing gratitude every day can have a significant benefit to a person's physical and emotion wellbeing.
Research suggests that gratitude may be associated with many benefits, including better physical and psychological health, better sleep, less fatigue, greater vitality and less anxiety. In general, grateful people are happier, more satisfied with their lives, less materialistic and less likely to suffer from burnout.
Gratitude activates the parasympathetic - the rest-and-digest relaxing part of the nervous system - resulting in positive effects such as decreases in cortisol levels, lowering of blood pressure and strengthening of the immune system.
Gratitude helps lower cortisol levels in the body by about 23%, according to one study, thereby preventing the health problems stress can lead up to.
To practice gratitude, try keeping a gratitude journal, volunteer, write letters to frontline heroes or write a letter of gratitude to a friend. Consider doing a favor for someone, such as leaving a meal, a plant or a card on a friend's doorstep.
Hochstein said an activity his family practices is giving thanks for something that has happened in the past year.
Above all, Hochstein said people should keep in mind why they get together and what the holidays are all about.
"One of the most important things to remember is, what's the point of the season?" Hochstein said. "It's not to fight or get heated with each other. The point of getting together isn't to yell at each other."
If things start to take a turn for the worse, Hochstein said people can interject and change the subject.
"You can say 'This isn't a great topic for the holidays,'" he said.
