Special camp helps kids deal with loss of loved ones

Summertime opens a variety of camps to children, but one area camp has a unique mission: to help grieving children heal.

Camp Encourage is entering its 15th year. Formerly known as Camp BEARable, it takes a new name as part of a rebranding within its sponsor agency, State of the Heart Care, which now offers palliative as well as hospice care.

Camp Encourage is a free, three-day camp open to children who have experienced a loss, regardless of location. It teaches children positive coping skills and ways of healthy expression.

When it opened in 2001, 14 children attended. Now, each year it hosts about 50 children ages 6-15.

Like any other camp, it offers fun and games such as balloon tosses, games and arts and crafts, but Camp Encourage takes care to focus on the deeper reason why the children are there.

"We also do grieving activities. We really try to touch on different ways for them to express themselves, whether it's physically, emotionally, creatively," camp director Ashlee Carder said. "It's a mixture of keeping it fun and interactive but also having a purpose."

Children aren't forced to talk about their feelings but rather encouraged to share throughout the weekend.

"It's not a situation where we sit them down and have a therapy session. It's more, 'let's play, let's figure this out through playing, creating, being together,' " Carder said. "What we find is some kids don't want to talk so they do better with doing an activity or creating something and talking while they're doing it."

The children are paired one-on-one with an adult volunteer who serves as a buddy and mentor. The adult volunteers are typically either people who have experienced loss themselves or a social services student or professional.

"The kids then get the chance to talk to kids their age who know what they're feeling, but they also get a chance to have someone to talk to one-on-one about questions, things they're going through or things at home," Carder said.

Carder said because of the camp's long legacy, she has seen some campers grow up to become volunteers. Abigail May, 21, Fort Recovery, is one such volunteer.

May's father died when she was 5 years old. Her mother found out about the camp and sent her there with her two sisters.

"It helped me realize what was going on. At 5 you don't realize what death means. You just stop seeing that person. So camp showed me what that meant, how to deal with it," she said. "It kind of gave me a sense of belonging because there were other kids going through the same thing."

When she was old enough, she was quick to volunteer for the camp, which she said had a "huge impact" on her life.

"I wanted to become a volunteer because of what it did for me as a child," the early childhood education student said. "I want to help children and when I came of age, I realized I could help this way. And I can hopefully pay it forward to another kid like me."

The camp also offers a panel of experts. The panel is made up of a doctor, a funeral home director and a chaplain.

"The kids are free to ask questions they may want to know but don't feel comfortable asking at home or during the funeral process," Carder said.

The questions cover a variety of topics and are answered in kid-friendly language.

"Kids usually ask things like what happens to a body when it goes to the funeral home or when someone dies or what happens when you go to heaven. They may ask the doctor about a disease progression, like what happens when you get cancer or what happens when your grandma has dementia and she doesn't remember you," Carder said.

Children may not feel comfortable asking the questions elsewhere for fear of looking strange to their peers or troubling their parents, she explained.

"Kids are really sensitive to the way that their parents are. So if they lost a parent and their mom cries when they talk about their dad, they're not going to talk about it or ask about it because crying is viewed as a bad thing," she said.

New this year will be a parent support session to answer their questions.

"Some of the calls we get are 'what's normal? What's normal for my kid?' " Carder said. "We really try to educate on it because unless you go through it, you don't know."

While teaching the children good coping skills and healthy expression, camp officials also try to get them to have fun.

"One of the things kids do, especially if they lose a parent, they jump into this caregiving role where they try to be a parent," Carder said. "We encourage them to be a kid. We tell them it's fine to help out at home, but they still need to take the time to do the things they enjoy."

May and Carder both said one of the most rewarding parts of the camp is watching the children grow more comfortable and open up about their loss.

"Last year we had one little boy, nearing the end, who finally stood up and asked to tell his story. That was huge because he didn't want to talk about it at all when he first came. He just wanted to have fun with his friends," May said. "I think by listening to other kids talk about their loss, he was able to stand up and share his experience."

The camp is July 15-17 at the Spiritual Center of Maria Stein. The deadline to apply is July 5 for campers and the end of June for volunteers because of background checks. To register, volunteer or for more information, visit stateoftheheartcare.org/camp-encourage or call Carder at 419-678-4808.